Paolini's Rabid Fans

by Fragon Calfbreaker

This article is less about Paolini and more about the various people who support him. To address some issues that cropped up with the first draft of this article, I'd like to point out that when I say rabid fans, I don't mean all fans. I am aware that decent, coherent, "clean" fans exist. Neither am I implying that the majority of the Inheritance fandom are "rabid". And lastly, I am not saying that Paolini is responsible for the actions of his fans.

The insatiable backlash that we've received from some fans over the number of months we've been involved on this project is almost unreal. Death threats, blackmail, hacking threats, posting of personal information...that's just a number of the many things we're forced to deal with. A few of our friends have been forced to take down information about themselves online and assume pseudonyms in order to hide their identities. It's bizarre, considering the only thing we've done is

Criticize the book they like.

I can understand Shakespeare, maybe. Or Jesus. But Paolini?

Time and time again I'd be sitting happily on my computer reading about dogs and Arget would come barging into MSN screaming, "YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS EMAIL WE GOT!" And I'd pop a vein in my forehead and look because I have to, and get even more veins as I read. Or sometimes I'd get a link, which would go to a thread in some Inheritance fan forum where some fan is screaming "LOOK AT THIS BUNCH OF MIDDLE AGED WOMEN WITH THEIR SUCKY WEBSITE!" and another one saying "lolz they should take knitting lolz (someone please pay attention to me as I repeat this joke more than once)", etcetera.

I mean...why?

What's the big deal? The reason this website existed in the first place was because fans were refusing to allow us to say our opinions without crawling all over our gut. And now that we've made a website of our own so we don't have to get moderated for that (note: I'm aware Inheritanceforums.com has critique forums, but this happened a few months after this website popped up. Before that, we were getting deleted left and right)...we're called crazy and insane and knitters. We're spammed (constantly), and Arget has even recieved legal threats from someone who never carried them out.

Holy Paolini sandwich--calm down, people!

First of all, for those issuing various threats--where are your balls, man (or woman)? If you need to silence us, feel free to visit us in our homes and attempt to slice our jugulars off with a razor blade. Don't sit there saying things like "I'll (insert very violent mode of death here) you!" or "I hope you choke and die." For the former, I refer you to my previous sentence; for the latter, well, hoping's all well and good, but it doesn't really get you anywhere right?

For those who say things like "Fuck you!" and "You suck!" and "You're an old grandma with obviously no life!"...ummmm, okay. Right. Did your words scathe me yet? Oh wait, no they haven't. I wonder why. Very possibly because they're not real and they don't hurt? Huh. Surprising, that.

For those who threaten to spam us...Jesus Christ, are you technologically incompetent or what? Or just plain dumb? For the two hours you spend sending us messages that simply say "U SUCKZ!!!!!", we can spend an equally long one minute clicking boxes beside your name and pressing delete. I mean, hooray for wasting a minute of our time? Again, it makes no sense. For those threatening to hack us...okay, first try to hack us (while we go and report you to proper authorities), and then try to hack each and every person with archives of this website and who can easily put down the two dollars each month required to maintain Anti-Shur'tugal.

I mean, do you all really want Paolini to be remembered as "that guy with the idiot fans"? It probably wouldn't happen if we weren't here, true...but then it probably won't happen either if you guys respectfully shut your traps and live and let live. If you want a proper debate, that's fine then (and this article isn't for you); we welcome and (hope for) that. Oh, some of you say it won't happen, but a fair amount of the community are aware of this website and the truth of the matter is...when we start mouthing off left and right about idiot fans, that's the impression newcomers to the community are going to get.

And so I leave you with this article, which obviously isn't enough to stop all of these events from happening, but at least my conscience is clear and I've had my say, and the rabid fans look all the more idiotic for continuing to do what we've already said is a pretty pointless activity.