Intro
(Whole background is black)
A character walks in. He has yellow hair and blue eyes (RTP type character). He stops in the middle of the screen.
Unknown Character We Will Henceforth Refer To As Benmeir: “Hello, and welcome to another White-Dog production. This project is a joint effort by whom we shall call Fragon Calfbreaker and someone we will refer to as Kazuki. For privacy purposes (fans can get stalky), we will keep their real names away from this project."
“However, I would like to mention that this RPG is no way intended to insult Mr. Christopher Paolini’s work in any way.”
(One second pause)
“Well, maybe just a little. But we don’t get paid for this, so what can you do?”
Benmeir bows and leaves
Prologue Scene
(Forest scenery. Background is ‘night’)
A shadow walks on the trail. He opens his eyes. They are maroon. He has red hair.
Shade: “Spread out; hide behind trees and bushes. Stop whoever is coming…or die.”
Orcs come walking in from behind him. They hide behind the trees and bushes. You can still see the sides of their bodies sticking out.
Shade: “Get ready.”
(Sound effect, a loud ‘clink’)
Text: CLINK!
Three horses come running from the other side of the trail. The graphics used for their coats shimmer like silver. Three elves are riding them.
Elf 1: “What might be those unnatural shadows against the trees, hah hah?”
Elf 2: “The wind speaks to me. They cannot be Or…Urgals.”
(Sound effect, wind blowing)
(Sound effect, a loud fart)
Elf 1: “It smells like fetid meat, hah hah!”
Elf 3: “Run, ye morons!”
The horses speed back the way they came from. The Shade jumps from behind the trees and screams.
Shade: “Abracadabra!”
Pause. Nothing happens.
Shade: “Cough…gack…grrrr…garjzla!”
A small ‘wet’ spot appears in front of him, presumably spit. A red bolt comes from his body and goes after the elves. In the meantime, arrows are flying in the air. Shade runs after the elves, screaming again.
Shade: “Boeta istalri!”
(Sound effect, fire blazing)
(Scene fades)
Urgal 1: “Didn’t I tell you to give him those cough drops before we left?”
Urgal 2: “I did. I guess he hates mint.”
(Sound effect, female screaming)
Chapter 1
(Forest scenery, same one where Shade was. ‘Day’ background).
A boy walks in.
Eragon: “My intense brown eyes cannot be wrong! This doe has only been here a half hour ago!”
(Sound effect, hooves in the distance)
Eragon: “Ah hah!”
‘BOSS’ BATTLE vs. deer
(Deer has bright eyes in ‘Bambi’ fashion)
Deer: “Mrrmr?”
Eragon: “I’m going to shoot you now.”
(Eragon’s weapon is bow and arrow. Deer’s evasion is 100%. After sometime, the deer escapes).
Eragon: “Nooo! Now we have no meat!”
Free mode: Eragon inspects patch of grass. Scene again.
A large ‘stone’ is in the middle. Eragon walks around it, jumps back, then picks the stone up.
Eragon: “Who must have made and left this egg-shaped, egg-textured stone here? Where did it come from? Does it have a purpose? Was it sent here by accident, or am I meant to have it? But what should I do with the stone?”
(Sound effect, birds chirping. Fade away in 2 seconds)
(Background ‘day’ turns into background ‘night’ while Eragon is talking)
Scene fades
***
(Carvahall, background darkened to become ‘night’).
Free mode: Eragon can inspect only 3 houses. He cannot leave town. Scene proceeds when he enters the butcher’s.
Sloan: “Hi, asshole.”
Eragon: “I would like to buy meat…with this egg-shaped stone!”
Sloan: “What the fuck is that?!”
Eragon: “It’s a stone!”
(Pause 2 seconds. Sound effect, wind)
Sloan: “Okay, what the hell.”
Eragon: “By the way, I got it in the Spine…”
Sloan: “@#$()@#*)$*!!!!!! Get out! Get out you motherfucker!”
Sloan waves the butcher knife around. Horst comes in.
Horst: “Now, now, don’t you two kids fight. Eragon, even though I don’t really see why a poor farm boy without money like you would want the best roasts and steaks for, when everyone else is perfectly content with warm gruel and vegetables, and you have a farm where you can get these things from, and all those things are much cheaper than meat, here, I’ll entertain you. Sloan! Grade-A marbled beef, please.”
Sloan: “Grumble…grumble…motherfucking…grumble…”
[Eragon received bag of meat!]
Eragon and Horst walks out of the butcher’s. They talk in town.
Eragon: “Please, accept this stone as payment.”
Horst: “What do I need a stone for?”
Eragon: “…”
Eragon looks hurt.
Horst: “Just work it off from me later, okay?”
Eragon cheers up.
Eragon: “By the way, I didn’t get a chance to tell Sloan’s daughter. Roran has the hots for her. He wants to tell Katrina he wants to flatten some hay and go wild at 1:00 in the morning on Monday. Can you tell her for me?”
Horst: “…”
Eragon: “That’s what he said.”
Horst: “…”
Eragon: “Really!”
Horst: “Fine.”
Pause 2 seconds, then Horst leaves in one of the ‘inaccessible’ houses. Free mode. You can only go to the two houses previously, no longer the butcher’s. You can only go to Eragon’s farm from the World Map.
In the ‘farm’, Eragon can either visit the barn or the house.
If in the barn:
Horse Birka: “Neigh!”
Horse Brugh: “Brugh knows where you live!”
Nameless Cow: “…moo.”
Chickens: “Cluck!”
Inside house, event takes place. Garrow meets Eragon.
Garrow: “You bought meat?”
Eragon: “Yup.”
Garrow: “But you have no money.”
Eragon: “Yup.”
Garrow: “Begging is bad.”
Eragon: “I found a stone!”
He brings out the stone. Garrow looks at it. Garrow twitches (character shakes).
Garrow: “!”
Eragon: “Ain’t it purdy?”
Garrow: “Go to sleep, Eragon!”
Eragon: “But the stone…”
Garrow: “Grrr…”
Eragon stares at Garrow, then runs quickly towards the stairs. Scene fades.
In Eragon’s bedroom, morning comes. Player can inspect Eragon’s ‘shelves’.
Shelf: Crap I collected
Root: So convoluted I never tire of looking at it
Drawer: My dirty underwear.
Event ‘flashback’ when Eragon leaves his room.
Pregnant woman is running to the house.
Woman: “I’m here to give birth!”
(Sound effect, baby crying)
Woman is running from the house.
Garrow: “Wait! You can’t leave! What about your baby?”
Woman: “But I must!”
Scene fades to black.
Eragon (looking very sad): “Mumsy…!”
Teleport to house. Eragon walks to kitchen, where Garrow and Roran, his cousin, are eating.
Eragon: “What are we having for breakfast?”
Roran: “Chicken.”
Eragon: “But I bought meat.”
3 second pause.
Roran: “Anyway…did you tell Katrina?”
Eragon: “Of course!”
Roran: “Great!”
Eragon: “Actually, I told Horst, but he can tell Katrina for you.”
Roran: “…!”
Eragon: “It’s okay dude, everyone knows Horst is gay.”
Roran: “That’s not the point…”
Garrow: “Ahem. When you two are done, we can work the fields. The FIELDS, Roran.”
Event ends. Outside in the farm, where you can see the crops, a mini-game begins where Eragon can pick up the vegetables and put them in a box, harvest moon style. When all veggies have been ‘picked’, event starts again.
Text box: “Nine days later…”
House is covered with snow. Wind blowing + snowstorm effect.
Text box: “More days later…”
Scene fades to black.
Eragon: “The traders are here!”
World map. You can go to Carvahall now. Houses are closed, but there are plenty of ‘stalls’ to talk to people. When you reach the big stall at the end, event occurs.
Merlock: “Welcome, welcome! And what might you sirs want to look at? An amulet or trinket for a lady?”
Eragon: “Mmm, got anything that’ll make me look pretty?”
Garrow: “Eragon! Excuse me. We’re here to sell this.”
Garrow pulls out stone.
Merlock: “Do I look like a produce shipper?”
Garrow: “But it’s a stone.”
Merlock: “Oh. Then let me have a look.”
Merlock takes the stone and taps it.
Merlock: “It’s hollow.”
Eragon: “What’s it worth?”
Merlock: “It’s a worthless piece of donkey crap. Why the hell would you want to sell it?”
Eragon: “…”
Merlock: “Anyway, do you know why me and my fellow merchants are late this year? Well, apart from a lot of crap happening, you know disease and all, can never trust that dirty lake water—but there’s been talk of Urgals. Many villagers have fled to escape them. Apparently the ugly things are migrating.”
Garrow: “I might have spent my life in my farm and this stupid town only, but you must be lying! Let’s go and leave this liar, Eragon!”
With a huff, Garrow and Eragon walk out of the stall.
Garrow: “Here’s some money. Go have fun. But not too much fun.”
Free mode: Eragon can go to a stall and buy ‘cherry pie and malt’, which he eats on the spot. If he talks to two boys, he says, “I wish I can join you.” Boys stare and then run away screaming. Event starts when Eragon reaches the field in the bottom of the town. Brom the storyteller appears.
Brom: “The sands of time cannot be stopped. Years pass whether we will them or not…but The sands of time cannot be stopped. Years pass whether we will them or not . . . but we can remember. What has been lost may yet live on in memories. That which you will hear is imperfect and fragmented, yet treasure it, for without you it does not exist. I give you now a memory that has been forgotten, hidden in the dreamy haze that lies behind us.”
“Before your grandfathers’ fathers were born, and yea, even before their fathers, the Dragon Riders were formed. To protect and guard was their mission, and for thousands of years they succeeded. Their prowess in battle was unmatched, for each had the strength of ten men. They were immortal unless blade or poison took them. For good only were their powers used, and under their tutelage tall cities and towers were built out of the living stone. While they kept peace, the land flourished. It was a golden time. The elves were our allies, the dwarves our friends. Wealth flowed into our cities, and men prospered. But weep . . . for it could not last.”
Eragon: “…” (Sad face)
Brom: “A retarded boy called Galbatorix became a Dragonrider. He went crazy, rebelled against his elders, killed all the Dragonriders, and in the end kicked the leader of the Riders, Vrael, in the crotch, before removing his head with a blazing sword. And then he became king.”
“And that is why from that day since, we’ve come to fear him.”
Brom: “Sniff…I’m sorry, I can’t help myself…sniff…”
Garrow: “That’s not how I remember it went…”
Eragon: “Sniff…that was so beautiful...!”
Scene fades. It returns back in Eragon’s room, where Eragon is looking at the ‘stone’. He looks at it intently for a while, and then he takes a giant mallet out of nowhere and smashes it.
Stone: “Squeak!!!!!!”
Blood gushes out on the floor. Scene fades.
Benmeir comes in and stops in the middle of the screen again.
Benmeir: “Unfortunately, that didn’t really happen, or we wouldn’t have a story to tell. So, against my wishes, here’s the real version.”
Previous scene in Eragon’s room repeats. Eragon takes a smaller mallet and taps the stone, then he takes a chisel.
Eragon: “Merlock said the stone was hollow and there must be of something of value inside and I don’t know how to open it but there must be a good reason for someone to shape it but whoever sent the stone to the Spine hasn’t taken the trouble to retrieve it or doesn’t know where it is but I don’t believe a magician with enough power to transport a stone wouldn’t be able to find it again so am I meant to have it?”
Outside, the window shows it has become night. Scene fades.
Text box: “Squeak.”
Scene opens. Eragon jumps from bed.
Stone: “Squeak.”
Eragon stares at stone.
Stone: “S-squeak!”
Eragon: “Shut up.”
Stone: “Squeak?”
Eragon: “Can’t you see I’m trying to sleep?!”
Stone: “Squeak!”
Eragon: “Shut up, you fucking egg-shaped stone!”
Stone: “Squeaaak…”
Eragon: “Shut up, shut up, shut uuuuppp!”
Eragon jumps up and down.
Eragon: “I’m going to take a knife and plunge it in your stoney-fucking heart and then I’m going to bury you you moronic ball-sucking piece of unidentified rat shit! FUCKING STONE! ARGGGH!”
Eragon starts hitting the stone.
(Sound effect, cracking sound)
Eragon jumps back. Stone falls apart, revealing a baby dragon.
Dragon: “Squeak.”
Eragon: “That stone was an egg?”
Scene fades.
Text box: “And so, Eragon took care of the dragon, and fed it and gave it a home, and molested it somewhat trying to figure out its gender. And then, days upon days later, it hit Eragon that he had been calling the dragon ‘you’ for the past few weeks, and in his usual mindless manner went with Roran, who needed “to get his chisel fixed”, to Carvahall in search of a suitable name.
