Chapter 2

Scene opens with Eragon inside a house we haven’t seen yet. It is Brom’s house.

Brom: “Oooh, what do we have here?”

Eragon: “…”

Brom: “Alright, alright. What do you want, boy?”

Eragon: “Roran is getting his chisel fixed, and he told me he’ll be a while, so I thought…”

Brom: “You want yours fixed, hmm?”

Eragon: “Unfortunately, I don’t have one. Oh, Brom! I need to ask you questions.”

Brom looks irritated.

Brom: “Might as well. Juanito won’t be back for a while.” Brom walks to the table. “You smoke?”

Eragon: “…” But he’s smiling.

Brom: “Hmm, Garrow might kill me if I…anyway, go on.”

Eragon: “Can you tell me about the Dragon Riders, and the dragons, and mushrooms, and fairies, and why I can’t fit into my pants most mornings?"

Brom: “Dragon Riders are cool, but let me tell you about dragons first. They began when Alagaesia was created. Bla bla bla…dwarves…blab la bla…crap about elves…”

Eragon: “Elves! Where do elves come from? Why are they called fair folk? Do they really exist? Can you answer my question about my pants? Are elves fairies? What’s the meaning of life?”

Brom: “Shut up.”

Eragon: “…”

Brom: “Now, elves aren’t legend. A long time ago elves were a strong race and very proud of their magic. They used to treat dragons like crap. And then an elf, called Orlando Bloomingdale, killed a dragon. I don’t know how, but that’s how the story goes. Then the elves and the dragons fought, and then Eragon found an egg.”

Eragon (smiling): “That’s me!”

Brom: “No, you moron. That’s the first Dragon Rider.”

Eragon: “I was the first Dragon Rider?”

Brom: “Argggh! You…look, just listen. Dragons are smart, powerful, and ubercool. And Dragon Riders just as much. Now will you shut up and leave me alone?”

Eragon: “Give me a name for my dragon!”

Brom: “What?!”

Eragon: “I mean…I’ve been trying to recall the name of a certain dragon, but it keeps eludingme. Can you help me?”

Brom (while pushing Eragon out of his house): “Pansy, Daisy, Poofball…Mura, Tirador, Fundador, Galzra, Briam, Orio, Ochicken the Strong, Grechen, George the Bushy, Beroan, Roslarb, Bob, and oh, my old dragon, Saphira! I mean, ahem, Saphira.”

Brom pushes Eragon out of the door and scene fades.

***

Eragon walks back to his dragon. Scene is on a field.

Dragon: “Eragon.”

Eragon (angry): “Is that all you can say?”

Dragon: “Fuck you.”

Eragon: “Now you have a sense of humor? What else?”

Dragon: “Yes.”

Eragon: “…”

Dragon: “…”

Eragon: “Anyway, you know, Roran just told us he was gonna leave. Some crap about earning money so he can marry Katrina and get a house. I don’t get it. They have a perfectly good haystack behind the butcher’s. Gah! Anyway, you need a name. What do you think? What name should you have?”

Dragon: “Cherry Pie.”

Eragon: “How about Vanilor, or his successor, Eridor? Or Iniduro?”

Dragon: “I’m a girl.”

Eragon: “Now I see! You’re a girl! How smart of me to figure it out before I give you a male name. Hmm. How about…Saphira?”

Dragon: “Cherry Pie."

Eragon: “Saphira it is! Now let’s hum!” Eragon hugs Saphira and begins to walk with her. She looks pissed. Scene fades.

***

Eragon: “Roran doesn’t care about me anymore.”

Message box fades. Pause 1 second.

Text box: “So Roran told Garrow of his plans to leave their farm in order to work for the Therinsford mill, and though the man did not like it he agreed. The day came when Roran left, but before he went his father had some advice to give him…

(Still black)

Garrow: “Let no one rule your mind or body. Take special care that your thoughts remain unfettered. Give men your ear, but not your heart, and for God’s sake not your chisel. Show respect for those in power, so that they may give you money in return. Judge with logic and reason, but never speak, because speaking is bad. Be good and fair. And about love—well, be honest, but not too honest. That’s how you get around women. Why, when my dear wife was still alive, I used to tell her…”

Scene fades.

***

In Carvahall, Eragon is free to roam, and to the forest outskirts, where he can fight monsters.

If you talk to Horst, event follows.

Horst: “Get rid of that stone, lad! Yesterday men came here seeking a stone like that! Go home!”

Eragon: “Okay.”

Eragon walks to the edge of town. Horst goes back in.

Eragon: “Who’s he kidding? He’s not my pupsy. I should go check the town out.”

When you reach an alley, another event occurs.

Sloan: “Yes, it was that fucktard Eragon, with that stone. Of course I’m not lying! Why would someone like me lie, you assholes?”

Mysterious voice: “Eragon!”

Eragon: “Oh my God, don’t hurt me! I’ll do anything! Anything! I’ll be your slave-boy! Just don’t hurt me…”

(Sound effect, bzzzt)

Eragon: “I can’t move! I can’t move! Oh my God, someone help me! I don’t wanna die! I’m too young to die! I have an uncle and a cousin and a dragon and everything to take care of! Scratch the dragon part! I mean I’m all alone! Oh God, I don’t want to da-hie-hie…”

Two Shadows begin to walk towards him.

Shadow 1: “That’s funny. He shouldn’t be able to talk.”

Brom appears. The shadows stop.

Shadows: “HISSS.”

They walk back where they came from.

Brom: “You look sick. What happened?”

Eragon: “Don’t hurt me!”

Brom: “You’ll recover, you sissy. Now come.” Brom drags Eragon away.

Eragon: “I have to go home!”

Free mode. Eragon is free to run back to the farm.

The farm is okay. Garrow is outside. Event takes over.

Eragon: “Saphira?”

Saphira: “Yes?”

Eragon: “Cool! I didn’t think we could mind-speak!”

Saphira: “Shouldn’t you have thought of that a long time ago?”

Saphira arrives.

Eragon: “Cool! You can talk!”

Saphira: “Huh?”

Eragon: “Listen, some strangers are looking for the stone which was the egg you came out of. I don’t trust them.”

1 second pause.

Saphira: “Fire! Enemies! Death! Murderers!”

Eragon: “What’s wrong?”

Saphira: “I! Don’t! Know! Having! Seizures!”

Saphira roars.

Eragon: “Stop it! Garrow will hear! Even though I called you because I want him to see you, we can’t show you to him!”

Saphira: “Oaths betrayed! Souls killed! Eggs shattered! Blood everywhere! Murderers!”

Eragon: “Enough, Saphira!” He climbs on the dragon. “Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Saphira roars again, then calms down. Then she begins to fly.

Eragon: “…” (Looking blue)

Saphira: “Wheeeeee!”

Eragon: “…gonna…hurl…”

Saphira: “Isn’t this wonderful?”

Eragon: “Blarghg…”

Saphira: “Yuck! What did you eat for breakfast?”

Eragon: “Saphira! We must go back! My unc…I mean, Garrow, we need to save him!”

Saphira: “Myeh, I’d rather have you for myself.”

She flies faster. When she finally descends in a clearing, Eragon topples off.

Eragon: “Oh my God! My legs are a pool of blood!”

Saphira: “And yet your pants didn’t get torn off. The miracle of modern fashion industry!”

Eragon: “I can explain. As a young child, I didn’t go out much, and I was fed very poor fare without meat. Hence my skin is a few millimeters thinner than a normal person’s, and much more than cloth.”

Saphira: “…”

Eragon: “Why did you freak out?”

Saphira: “No duh. They’re eviiiil. Those people.”

Eragon: “Then my uncle’s probably dead right now.” 1 second pause. “Oh my God! My uncle’s probably dead right now, and I don’t care! And my legs are bleeding! Saphira, I’m going to sleep. Find me pine needles and branches to curl up in.”

Saphira: “No need! I will curl around you and cover you with my wings. The fire inside me will keep you warm.”

Eragon: “But you’re not pine-fresh.”

Saphira: “…”

Scene darkens.

Eragon: “Is Garrow alive? Can I get back to the farm before the strangers do? And if not, what would happen? Even if I could force myself to ride Saphira again, then it’ll be at least midafternoon before we get back. What have I done?”

Saphira: “Eragon, shut up. It is midafternoon already.”

***

Daylight in the forest.

Eragon: “You have to take me home. I know you don’t want to, but you must. Both of us carry an obligation to Garrow. He has cared for me and through me, you. Would you ignore that debt? What will be said of us in years to come if we don’t return by the people who don’t know we exist—that we hid like cowards while my uncle was in danger? I can hear it now, the story of the Rider and his craven dragon! If there will be a fight, let’s face it and not shy away, even though I’ll probably hide behind your back because I’m a pussy and a sissy. You are a dragon! Even a Shade would run from you! Yet you crouch in the mountains like a frightened rabbit.”

Saphira roars.

Saphira: “Oh my God, why the fuck won’t you shut up? If you wanted to make me angry, you’ve succeeded! You make me want to take you in my claws and rip your mouth apart! ARGH! Are you done yet?”

Eragon: “Yes, as a matter of fact…”

Saphira: “Alright already! Blood will meet blood! I’ll fight! Our wyrds…”

Eragon: “Huh?”

Saphira: “Our wyrds…”

Eragon: “Our weirds?”

Saphira: “Wyrds—our fates.”

Eragon: “Why didn’t you just say fate in the first place?”

Saphira: “I was going to say some more crap, but you get the gist. Let’s go back.”

Eragon rides Saphira, and they go back to the farm. The farm is a mess. Eragon jumps off Saphira and runs to the charred place.

Eragon: “Uncle! Uncle!”

Saphira: “Sorrow breeds here.”

Eragon: “No, we breed chickens, and pigs, but that was a long time ago. Uncle! Damn it Saphira, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t run away with me!"

Saphira: “You have to admit it was kinda romantic.”

Eragon: “See what you made me do! You made me punch the wall! Now my hand’s bleeding! You know about my skin condition!”

Saphira: “Not my fault.”

Eragon: “Uncle!” He pulls a body out of the debris. “Saphira! We must take him back to Carvahall! Jumping Galbatorix, he smells like rotting fruit!”

Saphira: “Mmmm.”

Eragon: “Saphira…”

Saphira: “Okay, okay. Let’s go.”

Saphira takes Garrow under her while Eragon rides above her. They fly to Carvahall.

Black scene.

Saphira: “I’ll hide out here. You take him yourself.”

Eragon: “Lazy bitch…”

***

Carvahall. Eragon wakes up and finds himself in a strange room.

Woman: “Hi, you’re awake.”

Eragon: “My head hurts. Where’s my dragon? I mean, my uncle?”

Woman: “Oh Eragon…”

Eragon: “What?!”

Eragon jumps out of bed and walks outside. In the next room are several people.

Horst: “Your house was torn to pieces. I’m sorry, your uncle is gone…”

Katrina: “I had hoped to call him father one day.”

Eragon jumps towards Katrina and shakes her.

Eragon: “Father? FATHER? I didn’t even get to call him father, you two-timing bitch! Oh, don’t give me that! I saw the way you were looking at me the other week! I just didn’t have the guts to tell Roran! Oh Uncle…Uncleee…”

Horst: “Let it out, Eragon.”

Eragon: “WHYYYYYYYY?! What God would do this?” Eragon runs around. “Show yourself! He didn’t deserve this! Oh Garrow…”

Scene fades.