Arya Should Be Shot At Sunrise

by Lord Dementor

Let us ponder this for just a second...

Arya is a noble elf princess, who insists on wearing skimpy leather outfits around a horny sixteen-year-old. And then denies the poor boy, telling him he should find someone younger.

"There is something dreadfully wrong with this." I say.

"But..." you say "It's not her fault, she's suffering from shyness and body image issues, by telling him to find someone younger she's merely acting the martyr. The poor girl deserves our pity!"

"Alas" say I, "I wish it were even so, but Nay! Elves are without a doubt the most beautiful creatures in existence, and age makes little or no impression on them."

"But..." you say "Maybe she's right, perhaps he should find someone younger."

"Forsooth." I reply "If it were so, even then would I agree with her most heartily. But Nay! Hast thou forgotten the skimpy leather outfits??? What then could be her purpose in wearing these abominations but to esnare the (almost) innocent young lad in her web of seduction?"

"But...but..." you say "Maybe she just likes wearing leather."

"Verily!" I remark, my tongue laden heavily with the demon, Sarcasm, and my eyes rolling heavenwards "Leather is not in the least bit comfortable, nay, niether is it practical in combat situations. For I say truly unto you, tight leather inhibits movement and flexibility!"

"But...but...but..." you say "Maybe...maybe she's just playing hard-to-get. Maybe she actually will love Eragon."

"Riiight." Respondeth I in typical sarcastic drawl "And get her ass thrown in jail for statutory rape?"

"Er..." Reply you with much scratching of thine noggin, endeavoring to figure out if that actually works.

"THE TRUTH IS!" bellow I with an excess of gusto "ARYA IS A DIRTY @#$%&!!!"

"*gulp*" you gulp

"THE TRUTH IS!!!!" I scream, veins pulsing on my forhead and sweat running down my livid face. "ARYA DESERVES DEATH FOR HER MERCILESS EXPLOITATION OF MALE EMOTIONS!!!!"

"*gasp*" you gasp

"THE TRUTH IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shriek, jumping up and down, waving my arms frantically and getting tangled in the microphone cord.

"ARYA SHOULD BE SHOT AT DAWN!"

Thankyou, thankyouverymuch ladies and gentlemen.