Season One Hatemail
This is from a person who calls him/herself "Dear Anti-Shurtugal". We will refer to him/her as Bob from this point on, considering he/she refuses to divulge his/her name.
I would just want to say, that you all have no life. Your mission is
the worst thing I have ever taken upon myself to read. Your site itself
is a complete waste of my time and yours for that matter. You will go
no where with this site. You may waste your time and life even though
you don't have one but here is a reason why you should end this site:
You are trashing things far greater than you, the site, and everyone
else that actually likes this dumb site: the Inheritance trilogy and
Shurtugal.com, the real Shurtugal.com not this horrible thing you call a
site.
Shurtugal.com will always rule over this… place. Its graphics are way
better, and it makes sense. How many fans of this ‘site’ do you have?
Just the staff? I bet there’s even fewer than that.
And just to let you know, using the Hate Mail page on your site. Is
not helping your site, it is helping bring itself to its grave. When
people see the sense of the e-mails, and say, Hey, this is stupid!
they'll for sure leave. At least, anyone with a right mind would. So go
ahead, post this here. You'll just be helping the people sending the
letter. Bravo.
So go jump off a cliff, and be tortured by Galbatorix you deserve it.
:)
Our response, which will remain here as Bob had no email address to send this to.
Hi Bob!
You don't mind if we call you Bob, don't you? I mean it's better than no-name after all. In any case, I would like to thank you for using
proper spelling, grammar, punctuation and all of that. It makes our job a hell of a lot easier.
First off, I would like to congratulate you on going as far as reading the Our Mission page. You are right--it is in fact a waste of your
time. Considering the point totally flew by your head. I will not explain further--you need only click on that little link on your left side
again in order for you to understand that
a.) We are not here to 'beat' Shurtugal.com in any shape or form (if we ARE, then we would bring to people what Shurtugal brings, hmmmm?).
b.) We are not trashing the Inheritance series.
Letter b.) is an interesting thing. By commenting as you did, you are essentially reading the site with a close mind, which is not really very healthy for a person
to do, you know. This leads me to believe (as I'm essentially the type who likes to think no one is really that dumb or hateful) that you haven't read the articles
yet. I would encourage you to do so, once you've taken some pills to calm yourself down and perhaps a glass of milk or two. After all, "criticism", my friend, is
meant to be that--"criticism". It is the sole existence of fans like you, who have decided to take away our right to give opinions on the Inheritance series that
 made us seriously consider making this site in the first place.
After all, Shurtugal.com, and even Amazon at times, censors us. This place is not for people like you, therefore, but people like us, who need a place where
they can speak freely and say what they want freely without being bashed on the head with a rock. And oh, believe me, there are lots. We haven't received as
much hatemail from fans as we have fanmail--and I sincerely didn't expect that, knowing how easily you guys get provoked.
In any case, I will be posting your message and my response, considering you did not care enough to put your real address in the form (unlike some braver
fans).
And since you would like people to see the sense of the hate mails sent to this place which wastes both of our time and yours, I will also post each and every
one of the other hatemails you have sent us.
The Anti-Shurtugal Administration Team
Bob2
Under the name of Yo
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? You know, you are
assholes. You're throwing down two things at once: the Inheritance
trilogy, AND Shurtugal.com. Which rules over this site. Shurtugal.com is
like the king while this site's like beggar. You're begging for
attention, so get a life. All of you. The owner and the fucking staff.
Bob3
Under the name Hello
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com?
http://www.anti-shurtugal.com/mission.html
Mission? The mission of this site is to be stupid. And you've done that
very well.
Bob4
Under the name Just to let ya'll know...
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com?
http://www.anti-shurtugal.com/hatemail.html
What is that supposed to be? The "place of shame"? This site is the
place of shame! You don't need a page about it!
Bob5
Under the name mfnfbfnfjdbf
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com?
nvaionaounajivfmnfnddbw82ieb78bhf0q9 8nhqy98fibvuoid xbuyvfbvhuqejdsn bhjsdub hubhduxcb
sdhuc xbdsh
Awww, is that caveman talk for you love us? That is so sweet.
More caveman talk from Bob!
Bob6
Under the name GRGGSFDUIIB
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? JDAISOBGVUIOA
SNYU9AIOF HJIZCUHNMA BUFDVBIH CJVBUH JBFEBD VBINV BN H
Bob7
Under the name Yo! I'm like totally in to what you are doing!
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? You have no taste.
Go jump off a cliff. No one will mess you.
Bob8
Under the name Hi
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? I'M GONNA SPAM YOU
MORONS!
Bob9
Under the name Why Do you Want to Know?
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? You know, I would
like to say you all SUCK!
Bob10
Under the name Hello
Email Address: AJBIOBA FHU9BASDHB@gmail.com
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? YA'LL ARE FRICKING
LOSERS! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW A GOOD BOOK IF IT BIT YOU IN THE ARSE! GO
DIE!
This was actually the first mail we received from Bob. It was unique in that it featured an email address--unfortunately, such was not real. It was also sent
around 3 times.
These were sent over a period of an hour. I apologize for wasting a few minutes of your time with these, but I would like to leave with one final comment.
So, tell me again who's the loser? The one who spends ten minutes saying to the world what they feel the world needs to know, in well-thought out words that
develop writing and debating skills, or the one who spends an hour telling someone that they, essentially, suck?
Update: Unfortunately, no one can hide from the great Hackslayer. Click here to see Bob's true whereabouts.
Unfortunately, this seems to be a common trend with hatemail we receive. Check out this one from someone called Smokes-a-lot.
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? You suck.
Well, at least he was abrupt.
This is one from someone called Darth. I believe he was trying to cast a spell. Unfortunately, it doesn't work through the internet.
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? Drajl!!!
Update: It occured to me to check the back page of Eragon. I apologize. Let me quote Arget on this:
If we're the spawn of maggots, does that make Paolini's work the shit pile?
This was one from someone called something. He had an email address, which was nice, so we had a reply penned out to him.
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? you people fucking
suck. ok tell me where did the people who first thought of the idea get
their idea?
This was our response:
Hi Something,
Thank you for your feedback. I am not sure to what exactly your question pertains, as the arrangement is a bit difficult to understand, but I'll give it a shot. If
you're asking where we got the idea for the site, it was suggested to us by Eragon fans themselves. If you're asking where people get ideas for books or other
projects from, well, it comes from everywhere, of course--other books, movies, life in general. Our gripe with Eragon is not the fact the ideas are 'unoriginal' per
se, but the presentation itself.
Feel free to email us again for a more thorough discussion of this. I apologize for any confusion I might have caused.
Sincerely,
Fragon Jierda-theirra-kalfis
This is from Uranus, another one of the braver, nicer fans.
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? im sorry but i think its sad that someone would actually take time out of their life to actually create a hate site
for anything. I mean cant u just get over it or is it sooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad that u have to waste ur time putting up a site for it. ITS POINTLESS.
ITS ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING. if u guys hate it that much goddamnit just keep it to urselves.
This was our response:
Hi Anus,
Thank you for your feedback.
It was actually Eragon fans that insisted we create this site in the first place. We got around to talking about it one night pumped full of cough medication and
caffeine, thought it would be a fun project, and set to work on it. We appreciate your concern. As they say, it's extremely unhealthy to keep hatred to one's self.
Venting frustration upon certain things is done in every day life, which is why we have movie villains, video games involving killing things, and squishy balls.
Although, having said thus, this activity is relatively stress-free, apart from the maintenance of the site itself.
Most of us feel that 'accomplishing something' is not as important as merely getting the word out, and having people who share our ideas have their own place
to visit. The world is full of different views and opinions. This exchange is vital for our society to thrive.
If you would like to continue this discussion, feel free to respond. Thanks once again.
Sincerely,
Fragon Jierda-theirra-kalfis
This was Uranus' reply back:
wow, im surprised how well u handle hate mail, I didnt actually think u would respond. I now actually respect ur reasons and will no longer bug or make fun of
u for having a hate site.
Thanks as well, Uranus! And I apologize for the little poke at your name there. It was hardly something I could resist doing. I'm getting better by the day
though.
This is one of the four emails sent to us by someone called randomperson. Randomperson is obviously a disturbed little fellow who, like Bob above, does not
understand what a parody is, does not believe someone has the right to an opinion, and cannot even come up with original hate mail for us.
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? liek omg you suck. the inheritance trilogy pwns your asses. apparently you guys have no lives to spend yout
times making this horribly designed website. i mean, come on, the html is CRAP. it's nothing compared to shurtugal.com. you guys are just a bunch of
wannabes who want to be famous but can't cause you have no lives like it says in your "about us" page! so go fuck yourselves or something, make the world a
happier place. plzthx.
This was our response to him (unfortunately the email he provided was also fake. Like Bob, he does not have nuts.)
Dear unthinking minion,
Why do you think we have no lives? The Shurtugal site is much more detailed than ours, so they must have way less of a life than we do. And just so you know,
that was SARCASM, asshole. Also, since we are so busy with our site, we have no time to masturbate, unlike you.
Sincerely,
Diamondo
Name: Ye Are Morons
Email Address:
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? you people are
really sad i cant believe you actually have time for this you sad little
people should be ashamed of yourselves for this it is just a thing
loners would do in their infinite spare time this is just a pathetic site
and you should all go to hell you people and that you shut down this
website A S A P LONERS
It's fun knowing how much we affect the fans. I'm sure we've incited seizures from a good number of them, considering the way they type and all.
Name: AngelicDaemon
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? Fruitless.
Hi AngelicDaemon,
Thanks for visiting the site.
Care to elaborate? We would appreciate a discussion better – it’ll clear things up for both of us.
The Anti-Shurtugal Administration Team
AngelicDaemon has yet to respond to us, which leads us to believe that
a.) Her email was fake
or
b.) Aliens are holding her captive.
After another hiatus, the rabid-fans hit us again, though sadly, it was only one mail.
Name: yuor sihahted (you shitheads)
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? hope u can speak german!
yuor ppeloe tkae tmio ot mkae a stie aubtos atni fnas wohs deos taht yuor farkes fo nuarte.
o_O Shiza! My Luxemburg/German grandparents would be rolling in their graves. As far as we can tell, the message reads, "You people take time out to make a site about anti fans. Who does that, you freaks of nature?(bad spelling and grammar fixed for
sanity purposes)"
Well, here's our reply: Tfw? Sa noso as oyu etg a elif, le'ew gte noe, oto. And, to give you a taste of linguistics, here's that same reply in German: Wie das bumsen? Als bald als ihnen die leben, wir werden, auch.
May I remind you all that we are girls here at AS? As in, PMS? So why do we continue to receive mails like this one?
Name: anti-anti-shurtugal society (AASS)
Email Address: _____________
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? ok... first off i would like to tell you all to jack off with tweezers because your dicks are too small to be touched with your buddies hands. i am wondering what the point of this gay ass ASS is, and why waste your time on it when there are much better things to do. If you guys give me a book written by you, and it is better than paolini's i will respect and understand you, but until then, i think you should shut your ass-mouths and wipe the shit off your lips.
ps. almost every single story is based on another, and if they werent, we would quickly run out of good story plots.
Ahoy AASS!
I'm going to ignore your immature remarks and address the rest (of which there isn't much).
We are not wasting our time. We have a lot of fun doing this, and sad little flames like yours won't change our minds. Do you really think that Paolini would enjoy having fans who direct sexual comments at people like us?
Secondly, there are many stories out there which are original, and if Paolini had bothered to do a little more work, the Inheritance series would be a lot better.
Sincerely, Diamondo
P.S. We're all girls, so we don't have dicks, hon. ;)
Guess what? He wrote us back!
send me a book written by you guys and i will see if
it is better than eragon, if it is, i will understand
you, but if not, i think you are all idiots
my mail adress is: ______________
ps. why didnt you give me any feedback with your reply
when i told you to show me a book written by you?
Hey Ty,
Good to hear from you again. Unfortunately, your logic is based in fallacy.
One does not need to have written a book to know what makes a good one. Need an analogy?
You do not have to be a chef to know when food tastes bad.
You do not have to be an actor to know when an actor does a poor job.
You do not have to be an athlete to know when an athlete has screwed up in a game.
You do not have to be an artist to know when something was badly drawn.
Need I go on?
The point is that we don't need to be professional writers to know bad literature when we see it. All we
have to do is be able to read. We didn't like what we read, so now we're telling the world why.
We're all secure enough in ourselves as writers that we don't need to prove to you that we are better than
Paolini, thus you will not be receiving any work from us. If and when we ever get published (you know, the
real way, not running to Mommy and Daddy like Paolini did), you'll be the first to know.
Sincerely,
The Anti-Shur'tugal Society
The following mail was quite interesting. Take a look:
Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2006 16:10:51 -0700
To: anti_shurtugal@yahoo.com
From: "Klär Anlage" <____________>
Subject: AS Feedback
Name: Klär Anlage
Email Address: lescher@t-online.de
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? Hallo ihr
Schwachmaten,
wir sind voll im Bilde über eure dreckigen Machenschaften.
Es ist nicht von der Hand zu weisen, dass das Zeugs über Paolini und
die anderen Schinken stimmt, aber ihr Hühner habt verdammt nochmal nicht
das Anrecht so einen schmutzigen und dazu leicht wiederlegbaren
Schmoder ins Netz zu stellen. Ich hatte bisher noch nicht die Ehre Menschen zu
treffen die auf Gottes Erdboden dahinsiechen und so extreme Anzeichen
von geistiger Instabilität aufweisen. Lange rede kurzer Sinn. Ihr seid
minderbemittelt.
Die kleinen milchiggrauen Zellen in euren Kohlrüben wurden wohl arg
geschädigt, denn ansonsten wäret ihr alleine drauf gekommen, dass die
reitzende Arya das Felsdings mit dem Lintwurm nicht mit Hilfe ihrer
jenseitigen Seelenstärke einfach mal so hin und her spazierenschicken kann.
Dann sähe sie nämlich die Radiesschen von unten.
Paolini ist zwar ein Stümper, aber an euer Dünkel kommt er beim besten
Willen nicht heran. Mögen die Sterne eure linkischen Geltungsversuche
missbilligend betrachten und euch mal gründlich die Birne polieren. Ihr
seid alle brilliante, überaus tolle (gibt es das Wort Ironie im
Englischen) Sumpfköhe.
Quibbelt euch doch die Rassel blank und wenn ihr schon dabei seid,
verdrischt euch mit der Nachtischlampe. So Spießgesellen wie ihr es seid
werden in einem rechtsschaffenden Staat vertrimmt.
Die Trilogie hat bornierte Saftsäcke wie euch nicht verdient.
I've also cried many single tears noticing that the whole world is
obsessed with Paolini. That's why I think, that your site is just more than
justified and also a great work which has surely taken hours to work
on. You're right in every aspect but you're theories also contain your
great humor which provide an attraction for controversy but not at least
provide
but not at least provide arguments against your opinion. because
they're very well thought and true points.I really hate Paolini and your good
taste for books is displayed through your intelligent arguments. Please
excuse my English, but I just wanted to tell you, that there are people
from other countries as well who also dislike the Inheritance Trilogy.
Yours, Klär Anlage
(with best greetings of Joh Kurt, Axel Schweiß, Kai Mauer, Wick
Elmode,Tann Enbaum, Sandy Kuchen and Lars Männchen -
German-Anti-Shurtugal-Fanclub in Corporation with Löwenzahn)
"Why is this in the hatemail section?" you ask. Well, at first we thought this was from a group of fans. But when we passed it along to our good friend Michael in Germany, he sent us back this translation:
Hello you
retards,
we are well aware of your "dirty activities"
there is no denying that the stuff you write about Paolini and the
other "books" is true, but you chickens have goddamnit not
the right to put such a dirty and easy to "reject" "slime/mud" on the
web. Until now i did not have the honor to
meet people who suffer so much on God's Earth and show such extreme
sings of mental instability. To make long things short. You are
retarded.
It seems that the small milkgray cells in your "dumb heads" have been
severly damaged, otherwise you would have found out alone, that the
sweet Arya cannot simply send the the Rockthing with the Lintwurm with
the help of her "Soulpower" back and forth
since she would die then.
Ok, Paolini sucks,
but as hard as he tries, he does not suck as much as you.
May the stars watch dissaproveful upon your pitiful attempts to get
recognition and punish you.
You all are brilliant, supergood (does the word irony exist in
english?)
swampcows
Spank the monkeys and when we are at it beat each other with your
bedlamps.
Suckers like you would be punished in a righteous country.
The Triology does not deserve stupid assholes like you.
According to Michael, the person who wrote this isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch, since he doesn't seem able to form good insults; his German sucked, too. We thought this was hilarious. So Fragon sent back a reply, writing part of it in a Filipino
dialect, her native tongue.
Hi guys!
Thank you so much for the email. We were positively delighted when we read it, knowing we have sooooooo many chittering fans overseas! We even went into throes of ecstacy! And I'm glad you said we're intelligent. You won't believe how many Eragon fans call us
petulant, cow-sucking mongrels. Or something to that effect. Anyway thanks for your feedback, and since we're exchanging local dialects, I thought I'd send you some of my own!
Salamat tabi sa mensahe nindo. Malang-liga talaga san pigagibo nindo, paguna niyo baya wara maka-aram san pinagsasabi nindo. Ale. Gusto nindo arug na sana sa di? Kung pwede na sana mag istorya kita ning ingles, para simple sana...eh, okay lang
naman, nagngirisiian kamo diyan, nagngirisiian kami digdi. Kaya ba naman, kung baka kami, eh di ano kamo? Udo? Bugrit na naula mula sa irinola? Hindi nga kamo pwede gibhung pang patubo ning halaman. Magkapurotol sana mga buto nindo, kaya
lang kawawa naman kamo kung arog san, WARA na ngani nung simula.
With love,
Fragon Jierda-theirra-kalfis
(Who is NOT an American ;) )
Here is Fragon's message, translated:
"Thank you (kindly) for your message. We found your doings very amusing, especially since you thought no one would know whatever it is you're saying. Fine. You want it like this? We could have talked properly in English, to make things simple...but this is
okay as well, you've had your laugh, we've had ours. If we're cows, what does that make you? Shit? Diarrhea that spills from a (chamberpot)? We can't even use you for fertilizer. I hope your dicks fall off, which is a shame, because there wasn't ANY to begin
with..."
So, just a warning to any potential hate-mailers who think they're clever/funny: We have thus far interpreted every mail sent our way, if it needed it. We're not stupid, so don't act like you can trick us.
Date: Sun, 23 Apr 2006 10:12:55 -0700
To: anti_shurtugal@yahoo.com
From: "Arya-Lover" <__________>
Subject: AS Feedback
Name: Arya-Lover
What would you like to tell Anti-Shurtugal.com? Arya..
I don't know what you guys' problems are with her. She gave up her
FAMILY and HOMELAND to help the Varden. She took a DANGEROUS task of
transporting the egg to the Varden. Then she's captured, beaten, probably
raped by the bastards, and kept locked up. Of course she's going to be on
edge.. crap, if I'd been her, I would have probably ran back to
Elesmera and lived in peace as heir to the throne and never set foot outside
of the serenity of Du Weldenvarden. OF COURSE she rejects Eragon. He's a
BABY compared to her. She also realizes that a relationship with him
could GREATLY damage his chances of beating Galbatorix. Plus, he's a
human. What would her brethren and mother think of her choosing a HUMAN as
a mate. They'd be disgusted, her mother would most likely disclaim her,
and she'd be shamed for all eternity. She'd be COMPLETELY cut off.
She'd probably be completely banished from Du Weldenvarden for as long as
she lives (eternity is actually a VERY long time ;)). That would also
destroy the Varden's and Eragon's relationships with the elves which
would prove fatal. Arya is NO FOOL in rejecting him nor keeping his knowing
of how superior to him that she is in matters.
Why do you hate her so much?!?!?!?!
We don't hate Arya because she is a bitch or because
she rejects Eragon or any of those reasons. We hate
her because she is all of those things and NOT DONE
WELL. We hate her because Paolini obviously intends
for her to be the ideal woman, seeing as how she is
the only one whose beauty and perfect eyebrows and
whatnot are described every time she enters a room.
We hate her because, as a character, she had so much
potential, and it is wasted because Paolini could not
be bothered to think with his correct brain.
By the way, for an "Arya-lover," you sure don't have
your facts straight. I believe she clearly said that
the guards only attempted to rape her, but her mind
powers were strong enough to make them impotent.
Thanks for filling out our form,
Anti-Shur'tugal Society
